Wants versus Needs
This subject has been much on my mind this morning as I attempted to respond not only to the internal message in my head, but also as I attempted to respond with empathy to several people from whom I received emails or texts this morning. Thankfully, one of the emails I got was from a site entitled “Squeebles.” Today one of the headlines was “St. Bernard is so needy.” Accompanying it was a video of a St. Bernard affectionately lying on top of this man and not allowing the man to get up. The dog was very affectionate and clearly was experiencing a “need” for sustained, close attention. The fact that he or she is larger than the person (owner/master?) on whom they are lying, gives them the power to hold the person captive for as long as the need is being experienced. Although this video was humorous, the situation could be less than humorous for the human being held captive. Suppose, for example, that the human is now going to be late for work or has an acute, immediate “need” to use the bathroom facilities. Then we would have the common situation of a real or perceived conflict of needs. Individuals, families, community members, groups, and nations often convince themselves that their perceived needs are more important than the perceived needs of the other person(s), community, company or nation. This morning I had several emails or texts from individuals who felt that their needs were not been honored by someone else. Situations included:
· A neighbor not honoring the legal property boundaries and cutting trees within the property legally owned by my friends.
· A person romantically involved with another person who is in the process of extricating from a long-term marriage and who feels that her needs for reassurance that the relationship has really ended is not being respected.
· A man who feels he needs a romantic commitment from a woman in order to be okay emotionally.
· Parents who need their adult son to quit his alcoholic drinking and related behavior before they can relax.
· Disagreement between a husband and a wife about how much to do to stage the house they are showing on Sunday to sell.
I also read the morning newspaper and again was reminded of the perceived needs of various individual, groups, companies, or countries. There is much disagreement over the distinction between needs and wants. For example:
· Some people think that basic health care is a need which should be provided regardless of income or ability to pay.
· Some people think that the unborn fetus needs to be protected from the moment of conception regardless of how the woman in which the fetus has been conceived feels what her needs are.
· Some people think it is a basic right and need for everyone except for the mentally impaired or the convicted criminals to be able to openly carry a gun.
· Some countries think that they need to resolve the political issues in countries such as Syria.
· Some people think that they need to do something to stop the violent interplay between other nations or between groups within a nation.
· Some people think that that they need to make sure that the black bears are protected from the hunters in Florida.
· Some think that they are deserving of a significant share of the available wealth.
Obviously both of these lists could go on and go. Perhaps when we were all living in a tribal community with plenty of food and clothing resources available, the distinction between wants and needs was easier to determine. Basic needs seemed to be food, clothing, shelter, and the means to procure, construct, and make use of the means to get and maintain these basics. There also seems to be a basic need for organizational structure and various attempts to design and set rules/customs to insure that structure. At some point there developed a perceived need to protect one’s territory and its resources from other groups or tribes. Civilization was not yet at the developmental stage where fuel sources, complicated medical care, or credit cards were a “need” in order to function Those and many other tools were not developed for a very long time.
It is not surprising that in many areas of our life, there is a lot of confusion between wants and needs. It seems as if the list of perceived needs by individuals, families, communities, and nations keeps growing. One look, for example, at the financial budget for the average family, community, organization, or nation will provide enough fodder for discussions which seem unresolvable. In fact, it seems as if the budget of the United States is so complicated and contentious that we will never again be able to arrive as budget decisions in a timely manner or just before the bell of impending disaster rings.
When it comes to individual needs, I am well aware that I am living way beyond the need level of existence. It seems to me that at this stage of my life I only need:
· Enough nutritious food to maintain my basic health. I could subsist just fine and spend a lot less than I now spend. It might not be as appetizing but my body would probably be grateful.
· Enough space to accommodate my physical body. Some means of storing and preparing food, and access to water and soap for cleaning and washing clothes as well bathroom facilities seem to be a need. The rest of my two bedroom, two bath condo and the furnishings thereof may be a more of a convenience than a necessity or a need.
· Some way of connecting with mother earth including other people. As I type this, I am aware that some people seems able to live well as a hermit or in silent retreat for long periods of time, but it does seem as if even they have an especially close relationship with mother earth.
I also have a long list of wants, many of which I have managed to obtain. These include:
· A cell phone, computer (actually I have a smart phone, an iPad, a laptop, a billing computer which uses a program which will only work on an old version of windows, and an large office computer.
· A car which is very convenient, especially if it is raining, but with careful planning I could easily use my bicycle to go to the public library (in fact I can download many of the books I want from my computer), the grocery store, and the gym.
· A gym membership which is part of my health insurance benefits.
· Two bicycles, one of which is for visiting guests.
· Bookcases, books, pleasant flower vases, more art than I have room for, three sets of dishes, several pots and pans, and various other kitchen gadgets, conveniences, and other luxury items.
· More clothes than I could use or wear even if I wore something different every day for a week or even two weeks.
· A host of friends – more love and support than I need to survive.
· Ability to keep working part-time and to thus purchase trips, tickets to events, or more stuff which is not on the need list.
· Health insurance at the Veterans Administration plus a supplementary policy. Actually the Veterans Administration benefits have allowed me to have access to medication which has kept me alive. Thus, one might consider it a necessity, but, on the other hand, one could argue that at age 75 I have far outlived many of my peers with the same illness. Thus, one could argue that living longer is a luxury and not a need.
· Eyesight, hearing, and allegedly a brain which works well enough to allow me to keep learning and to enjoy the luxuries of books, writing, and other ways of learning and expressing myself.
Although I am sure I have left some luxuries off the list, I am hard pressed to think of other wants which are not being satisfied. I certainly have the ability to enjoy such additional luxuries as:
· A life partner which I would really enjoy but would also limit me in other ways.
· The opportunity to visit places and people around the world who I now seldom or never visit.
· The ability to be more generous with family and friends although if I had the money to do that I am not convinced that I should be in possession of the power to decide who gets help.
· To continue to enjoy the luxury of enough health to enjoy physical and mental activities.
· The ability to make more of a positive difference in the world although I am already blessed to be able to be intentional about how I greet and treat others with whom I come into contact or with whom I initiate contact.
It seems as if we humans, including this human, has an endless capacity to either convince ourselves that we need much more than we can possibility use or an endless fear that we need stuff, power, money, prestige, or whatever, to prove that we are more than in order to know that we are deserving of love and respect. Whether it is as an individual, a member of a family, a member of the community, a group, a company/corporation, a political party or a country it seems as if we humans have this amazing capacity to convince ourselves that we need more to be enough.
As I near the last stage of my life (even if that is another 25 or 30 years), I am increasingly aware of the profound sadness of the illusion that there is a scarcity of resources and, thus, an inability to share and meet the needs of all of life. Of course, no matter what, all of life will change form. Soon, whether my body is burned or buried, I will be dust and the energy which was my life will be in some other form. I suppose that if my energy becomes part of a rock I will not be as confused about my wants versus my needs. At least, in my current incarnation as a human, I have a difficult imagining a rock saying, “I need to be bigger. I want to occupy an entire acre of land. I want to be higher than any other rock. I want to be a different color.” I hope not. Perhaps, if I am lucky, I will be perfectly happy being a rock for as long as my rockiness lasts. I will have to elicit Sam’s thoughts about this subject. It should be an interesting discussion.
Written October 23, 2015
This subject has been much on my mind this morning as I attempted to respond not only to the internal message in my head, but also as I attempted to respond with empathy to several people from whom I received emails or texts this morning. Thankfully, one of the emails I got was from a site entitled “Squeebles.” Today one of the headlines was “St. Bernard is so needy.” Accompanying it was a video of a St. Bernard affectionately lying on top of this man and not allowing the man to get up. The dog was very affectionate and clearly was experiencing a “need” for sustained, close attention. The fact that he or she is larger than the person (owner/master?) on whom they are lying, gives them the power to hold the person captive for as long as the need is being experienced. Although this video was humorous, the situation could be less than humorous for the human being held captive. Suppose, for example, that the human is now going to be late for work or has an acute, immediate “need” to use the bathroom facilities. Then we would have the common situation of a real or perceived conflict of needs. Individuals, families, community members, groups, and nations often convince themselves that their perceived needs are more important than the perceived needs of the other person(s), community, company or nation. This morning I had several emails or texts from individuals who felt that their needs were not been honored by someone else. Situations included:
· A neighbor not honoring the legal property boundaries and cutting trees within the property legally owned by my friends.
· A person romantically involved with another person who is in the process of extricating from a long-term marriage and who feels that her needs for reassurance that the relationship has really ended is not being respected.
· A man who feels he needs a romantic commitment from a woman in order to be okay emotionally.
· Parents who need their adult son to quit his alcoholic drinking and related behavior before they can relax.
· Disagreement between a husband and a wife about how much to do to stage the house they are showing on Sunday to sell.
I also read the morning newspaper and again was reminded of the perceived needs of various individual, groups, companies, or countries. There is much disagreement over the distinction between needs and wants. For example:
· Some people think that basic health care is a need which should be provided regardless of income or ability to pay.
· Some people think that the unborn fetus needs to be protected from the moment of conception regardless of how the woman in which the fetus has been conceived feels what her needs are.
· Some people think it is a basic right and need for everyone except for the mentally impaired or the convicted criminals to be able to openly carry a gun.
· Some countries think that they need to resolve the political issues in countries such as Syria.
· Some people think that they need to do something to stop the violent interplay between other nations or between groups within a nation.
· Some people think that that they need to make sure that the black bears are protected from the hunters in Florida.
· Some think that they are deserving of a significant share of the available wealth.
Obviously both of these lists could go on and go. Perhaps when we were all living in a tribal community with plenty of food and clothing resources available, the distinction between wants and needs was easier to determine. Basic needs seemed to be food, clothing, shelter, and the means to procure, construct, and make use of the means to get and maintain these basics. There also seems to be a basic need for organizational structure and various attempts to design and set rules/customs to insure that structure. At some point there developed a perceived need to protect one’s territory and its resources from other groups or tribes. Civilization was not yet at the developmental stage where fuel sources, complicated medical care, or credit cards were a “need” in order to function Those and many other tools were not developed for a very long time.
It is not surprising that in many areas of our life, there is a lot of confusion between wants and needs. It seems as if the list of perceived needs by individuals, families, communities, and nations keeps growing. One look, for example, at the financial budget for the average family, community, organization, or nation will provide enough fodder for discussions which seem unresolvable. In fact, it seems as if the budget of the United States is so complicated and contentious that we will never again be able to arrive as budget decisions in a timely manner or just before the bell of impending disaster rings.
When it comes to individual needs, I am well aware that I am living way beyond the need level of existence. It seems to me that at this stage of my life I only need:
· Enough nutritious food to maintain my basic health. I could subsist just fine and spend a lot less than I now spend. It might not be as appetizing but my body would probably be grateful.
· Enough space to accommodate my physical body. Some means of storing and preparing food, and access to water and soap for cleaning and washing clothes as well bathroom facilities seem to be a need. The rest of my two bedroom, two bath condo and the furnishings thereof may be a more of a convenience than a necessity or a need.
· Some way of connecting with mother earth including other people. As I type this, I am aware that some people seems able to live well as a hermit or in silent retreat for long periods of time, but it does seem as if even they have an especially close relationship with mother earth.
I also have a long list of wants, many of which I have managed to obtain. These include:
· A cell phone, computer (actually I have a smart phone, an iPad, a laptop, a billing computer which uses a program which will only work on an old version of windows, and an large office computer.
· A car which is very convenient, especially if it is raining, but with careful planning I could easily use my bicycle to go to the public library (in fact I can download many of the books I want from my computer), the grocery store, and the gym.
· A gym membership which is part of my health insurance benefits.
· Two bicycles, one of which is for visiting guests.
· Bookcases, books, pleasant flower vases, more art than I have room for, three sets of dishes, several pots and pans, and various other kitchen gadgets, conveniences, and other luxury items.
· More clothes than I could use or wear even if I wore something different every day for a week or even two weeks.
· A host of friends – more love and support than I need to survive.
· Ability to keep working part-time and to thus purchase trips, tickets to events, or more stuff which is not on the need list.
· Health insurance at the Veterans Administration plus a supplementary policy. Actually the Veterans Administration benefits have allowed me to have access to medication which has kept me alive. Thus, one might consider it a necessity, but, on the other hand, one could argue that at age 75 I have far outlived many of my peers with the same illness. Thus, one could argue that living longer is a luxury and not a need.
· Eyesight, hearing, and allegedly a brain which works well enough to allow me to keep learning and to enjoy the luxuries of books, writing, and other ways of learning and expressing myself.
Although I am sure I have left some luxuries off the list, I am hard pressed to think of other wants which are not being satisfied. I certainly have the ability to enjoy such additional luxuries as:
· A life partner which I would really enjoy but would also limit me in other ways.
· The opportunity to visit places and people around the world who I now seldom or never visit.
· The ability to be more generous with family and friends although if I had the money to do that I am not convinced that I should be in possession of the power to decide who gets help.
· To continue to enjoy the luxury of enough health to enjoy physical and mental activities.
· The ability to make more of a positive difference in the world although I am already blessed to be able to be intentional about how I greet and treat others with whom I come into contact or with whom I initiate contact.
It seems as if we humans, including this human, has an endless capacity to either convince ourselves that we need much more than we can possibility use or an endless fear that we need stuff, power, money, prestige, or whatever, to prove that we are more than in order to know that we are deserving of love and respect. Whether it is as an individual, a member of a family, a member of the community, a group, a company/corporation, a political party or a country it seems as if we humans have this amazing capacity to convince ourselves that we need more to be enough.
As I near the last stage of my life (even if that is another 25 or 30 years), I am increasingly aware of the profound sadness of the illusion that there is a scarcity of resources and, thus, an inability to share and meet the needs of all of life. Of course, no matter what, all of life will change form. Soon, whether my body is burned or buried, I will be dust and the energy which was my life will be in some other form. I suppose that if my energy becomes part of a rock I will not be as confused about my wants versus my needs. At least, in my current incarnation as a human, I have a difficult imagining a rock saying, “I need to be bigger. I want to occupy an entire acre of land. I want to be higher than any other rock. I want to be a different color.” I hope not. Perhaps, if I am lucky, I will be perfectly happy being a rock for as long as my rockiness lasts. I will have to elicit Sam’s thoughts about this subject. It should be an interesting discussion.
Written October 23, 2015
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